In the heat of the moment, the importance of saying “no” is often overshadowed by our desire to be liked. In order to boost our ability and confidence in saying "no," we should practice real-life refusal skills. Refusal skills are all of the methods for helping people communicate that they do not want to participate in an unsafe or unhealthy behavior. Read the following scenario and think about the skills you need and how you would say “no.”

 

You and a group of friends get together after school to hang out at a friend’s house. There are no adults at the house. Some of the friends start kissing and making out. A person you have been attracted to approaches you and says, “Let’s make out?”

 

- State of South Carolina Department of Education Comprehensive Health Education Instructional Units and Resources for Sexual Abuse and Sexual Assault Prevention Standards and Performance Indicators, p. 153

 

 

Now, let’s look at many ways you could say “no.”

 

Give a reason: “No, my parents/guardians will find out.”

 

Give a consequence: “Making out can lead to sex.”

 

Change the subject: “I need to talk to you about what happened at school the other day.”

 

Give an alternative: “No thanks, but let’s take a walk instead.”

 

Use strength in numbers: “My best friend and I have made a pledge to wait!”

 

Self-statement: “I respect my morals and beliefs.”

 

Reverse the pressure: “Why are you pressuring me to do something I don’t want to do?”

 

Delay: “No, not tonight or anytime soon.”

 

 

If this is all too much, try to practice the NICE technique of refusing.

 

N: Say “no” instead of “maybe.”

 

I: Use “I” statements, such as “I don’t want to.”

 

C: Change the topic or suggest other activities.

 

E: Plan your exit strategy to remove yourself from an uncomfortable situation.