Healthy Boundaries & Refusal Skills

Our personal boundaries let others know that we respect ourselves and others by the way that we use them to make decisions. Think about the scenario with Becky, Doug, and Jennifer.  Becky has a decision to make. Should she listen to Doug’s story, even though it could hurt Jennifer’s feelings, or should she ask Doug to stop telling her the story out of respect for Jennifer? In order to make this decision, Becky needs to put herself in Jennifer’s place. How would Becky feel if Doug were telling Jennifer an embarrassing story about her?

 

Let’s look at another scenario:

 

Tim is bored in class, and decides to browse websites while the teacher is talking.

 

Seems harmless, right? No one is getting hurt, or offended. But Tim’s decision to stop paying attention to his teacher is disrespectful. Remember that we should always strive to make sure that our decisions are respectful of others, as well as ourselves.

 

 

Let’s look at one more:

 

Mike is playing basketball with some of his classmates at recess. One of his friends, Paul, has problems making any baskets. Another one of Mike’s friends starts making fun of Paul. Mike decides to say "stop making fun of him," and walks away from the basketball court.

 

Mike’s decision is to tell his friends to stop making fun of Paul, and walk away from the situation. In doing so, he is letting all of his friends know that making fun of another person crosses the line of his personal boundaries, and is unacceptable. Mike made a good decision; it shows respect for Paul and for his personal boundaries.

 

Good decision-making results in positive actions, even if that means walking away from your friends.

 

State of South Carolina Department of Education Comprehensive Health Education Instructional Units and Resources for Sexual Abuse and Sexual Assault Prevention Standards and Performance Indicators, p. 92