Communicating in Relationships: Part 2

Read the following scenario.

Mike: “Hey, Sam. Let’s ditch third period and go to the skate park. Come on, man.”

Sam: “I don’t know. I really need to do well in math class.”

Mike: “That’s fine if you don’t want to come. I guess you’ll have to start riding the bus to school in the mornings.”

Does this scenario sound familiar to you? If so, you have experienced coercion. Sam may have agreed to ditch class, but only after being pressured to do so. What is the difference between coercion and consent? To coerce, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is to restrain or dominate by force; to pressure an act or choice. Coercion is forcing someone to do something that they don’t want to do by intimidating them or threatening them. Coercion commonly involves an element of fear. Examples of coercion include pressure, threats, and intimidation. To consent, on the other hand, is to give acceptance or approval. Examples of consent involve asking questions, having open and honest conversations, identifying and expressing your own personal boundaries, and respecting the other person’s boundaries. True consent is only given through verbal communication. Unfortunately, it is common for someone to give consent only after being pestered or pressured. Be mindful that this is considered coercion since the choice was forced.